


The Birds And The Bees

by uglychui



Series: Ceasefire [6]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Drack being a grandpa, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Peebee doesn't take rejection well, Sexual Humor, Team Bonding, Thea actually has fun in this one, but he'll come around, discussions of sex as stress relief, poor Thea is embarrassed, takes place some time after recruiting Jaal, where he's still wary of the crew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 19:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13197378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uglychui/pseuds/uglychui
Summary: Drack discusses sex as a stress relief for Thea. Some of her crew members put in their two cents.





	The Birds And The Bees

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again, if you've been following this series or just picked it up! I actually meant to make this into yet _another_ depressing one shot, but I figured Thea could use a major pick-me-up. Also, I wanted to portray having depression as accurately as possible. Someone with depression isn't always going to show that they're depressed; they can have fun and be happy and _still_ be depressed. So here's Thea and the team! Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

“What about getting laid, kid?”

 

Thea dropped her fork, clinking loudly onto her plate. “Drack, ummm… no offense, but you’re… kind of—”

 

Drack made a guttural sound of disgust. “Ugh, not _me_ , kid.”

 

“Oh, thank _God_ ,” she breathed, placing a hand over her chest. “Because I didn’t know where that was going.” She picked her fork back up and started spearing through strips of roasted meat that Drack refused to name.

 

“Somewhere I don’t wanna go, that’s for sure. No, I mean, go find someone. A fling. It might not help you in the long run, but it’ll do wonders for you now.”

 

She scoffed. “I’m the Pathfinder, gramps. No one’s going to sacrifice their reputation for a less than stellar night with me.”

 

“That Kandros fellow seems to like you enough,” he countered.

 

“I don’t mix business with pleasure. It gets sloppy and awkward,” she got out in between chews.

 

“Speaking from experience?”

 

She shook her head. “No, speaking from a rational line of thought and observational skills. Besides, sex isn’t really appealing to me at the moment.”

 

“How can it not be? It’s fun and distracting,” came a playful voice from the door. Thea spun around in her seat and groaned dramatically. “Well, that’s just _rude_.” Peebee took a seat across from her, swiping a strip of meat from her plate and chucking it in her mouth before Thea could protest.

 

Drack glared at her. “Mind your table manners, Peebee.”

 

She rolled her eyes, licking her fingers with an obnoxiously loud _smack_. “Anywho, if you want, Ryder, I could show you a good time.”

 

To their surprise, Drack guffawed, loud and throaty. Peebee stared daggers at him, feeling defensive. “What, you think I can’t, old man? I’ll take you right now!”

 

Drack’s laughter got louder, to the point where it started to sound like he was choking. Thea tried hiding her grin behind her hand, but Peebee caught the look. “Really, you too? That’s it— I’ll take on the _both_ of you! C’mon, _strip_!”

 

“Why are we stripping in the galley?” a hesitant voice chimed in.

 

Thea, Drack, and Peebee whipped their heads around to find Jaal at the door, closely followed by Liam. Jaal’s head was cocked to the side, while Liam attempted to hide his laughter behind a fist. Thea covered her flushed face with her hands, mortified that their newly acquired angaran liaison was witness to such a childish display.

 

Peebee, on the other hand, deemed it appropriate to continue. “Because they don’t think I have sex appeal!”

 

Liam burst out in a fit of laughter, unable to contain himself, and ushered Jaal in. “And you think the right place to prove them wrong is in the galley? Why are you guys even talking about sex appeal?”

 

Sensing the start of a rather unprofessional topic, Thea raced to slap a hand over the asari’s mouth, already poised to answer. Peebee pried at her fingers, eyes twinkling with mirth. Thea only held on tighter.

 

“I was telling Ryder she should get laid.”

 

All eyes turned to Drack, who only shrugged. Thea’s eyes widened at his betrayal, and then in embarrassment as she found all eyes on her. She glared at the old krogan and hissed, “ _Narc_!”

 

He only shrugged again, while Liam clapped her shoulder in amusement and took a seat next to her as Jaal settled next to Peebee. “Well then. By all means, continue.”

 

Jaal’s head was still cocked. “What does that mean, to ‘get laid’?”

 

Liam turned to him. “Well, my friend, it’s what happens between the sheets when two— or more, I’m not judging!— people are attracted to each other.”

 

Jaal’s eyes flashed in understanding. “Oh! You mean sex!” He turned to look at Thea with a bright expression, seemingly glad to find common ground. She groaned. “Do not be ashamed, Pathfinder. Angara are free on the topic of sex, among many other things.”

 

Peebee smirked vindictively. “Humans are prudes. They like to keep sex a secret.”

 

“Thanks, P,” Thea grumbled.

 

She flashed her an innocent smile. “Of course! Anything to help our angara to fully understand the Milky Way aliens.”

 

“So who’s on the list?” Liam asked, a tad too excited.

 

Drack chimed in. “I nominated Kandros.”

 

Liam whistled appreciatively. “ _Great_ choice. Peebee?”

 

“ _Well_ , I _did_ offer, but after that? I’m recanting.” She looked up, deep in thought. “Oh! What about that ‘Little Duck’ guy on Eos? Drack, you know who!” she exclaimed, slapping Drack’s arm.

 

He made a grumbling, knowing chuckle. “Bain Massani. He wasn’t bad.”

 

“Mmm! Not bad at all,” Peebee agreed. “In all the right places…” Her faraway look spoke of untold fantasies.

 

“Oooookkaaayyy,” Thea interjected with an entertained snicker. “I think we’re all getting a little too—”

 

“I wouldn’t mind,” Liam offered. All eyes fell on him. “What? I’m just saying! Ryder’s not at all lacking!”

 

“Damn right she isn’t,” Drack supplied proudly, chest out.

 

“You guys!” Thea held up a hand, the other hiding the heat rising in her cheeks, though her reddened neck was _most definitely_ visible. They looked at her expectantly— Liam with sincerity— and any retort she had escaped her. “I… I-I have to go,” she declared and practically ran out of the galley into her quarters.

 

Peebee slapped the table. “Damn it, Liam, you scared her away! It was getting so fun, too!”

 

He threw his hands up. “I didn’t mean to! I just got carried away! But she looked like she was having fun,” he added. “Tell me, when was the last time you saw that look on her?” The group fell quiet, considering.

 

Jaal blinked at Liam. “This was a bonding exercise?”

 

He shrugged. “It may not have started out that way, sure, but essentially, yeah. To my knowledge, she’s never looked like she _really_ enjoyed anything since waking from cryo. But not today.” He sat back, smiling. “No, today, she had fun.”

 

Jaal stared at Liam’s satisfied expression, contemplating the exchange. Peebee sat back, crossing her arms and legs. After a moment of companionable silence, she turned to Drack.

 

“You _really_ wouldn’t with me?” she persisted.

 

Drack’s booming cackle echoed in the small galley. “Oh, you couldn’t handle me, kid.”

 

Liam shot up from his seat, eyes wide in discomfort. “Okay, _this_ I am _not_ staying for. Come on, Jaal. You don’t need to be introduced to this kind of kink. Not yet, at least.”

 

Jaal’s face scrunched up in confusion, though he stood as well. “What is a ‘kink’?”

 

“One step at a time, my friend.” He clapped his shoulder as they walked out. “One step at a time.”


End file.
